Becoming aware of grace

I’ve been sucked into the vortex of my partner’s job again. A torrent of negativity, frustration and stress. My critical mind, always lurking close to the surface, flies into action: so much to judge, so much to pick apart. How outrageously he’s been treated! I’ve had good training in being judgmental: my family and school conditioning were strong. These days I know it as the ego mind believing itself to be superior, creating separation, a divide between me and other. But of course this makes me feel miserable. It feels much nicer to be allies rather than enemies – with anyone or anything in our lives. But still my mind rails. It feels good to be righteous.

Or does it? I realise exhaustion is setting in; physical tension in my body. A feeling of restlessness, a dark cloud beginning to descend. It’s darkening other areas of my life too. I start to take it out on the cats. And then the self-criticism piles in! I know I’m doing it, but I don’t know how to stop. I’m trying to think my way out of it, but it’s not working; I’m getting more and more mired in negativity.

Finally I work myself to a point of such exhaustion that I can’t be bothered to wrestle with my thoughts any more. Sometimes I have to immerse myself in a meditation, book or film, to shift my mood. Or if I just get stuck into gardening, I realise after a while that I’ve freed myself from that nagging voice.

The rush of euphoria as I return to a state of grace. For that is what it feels like. When the ego defences have dropped away and my heart has softened again, and I can once again reach out to my loved ones with a smile or laugh off the frustrations, their’s or mine, and help them laugh them off too.

I love the gracefulness of deer. Sensitivity combined with agility and precision. The way they pick their way through grass or the understorey in a woodland. Grace, to me, is quiet acceptance of what is. It’s dignity and forbearance. It’s not fighting or judging but being fully present, on the most subtle level.

I can’t force it. It only ever arises out of beingness. Ah, grace is pure presence.

With love

Saffron

I'd be delighted to help you

My clinics are in Wiltshire SP11 and London NW3.

I also offer remote face readings via Zoom or email.

CONTACT ME

Latest articles

Sign up for occasional newsletters

     
    2020-10-12T16:20:26+01:00
    Go to Top